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Meditation 84
An imaginary dialogue with the God of the Billboards

by JT

As mentioned in previous Meditations, there are a number of billboards erected along America's highways, with some 20 different messages, all signed God. Following is an imaginary dialogue between GotB (God of the Billboards) and AD (Agnostic Driver,) using just the unedited words from those billboards for GotB's side of the conversation. Be amused, or be offended.

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GotB: We need to talk.

AD: I don't think so. These billboards are more than enough. If you actually "talked," I'd probably think I was crazy. Just like most of those who claim you talk to them. Why should I listen to an unprovable invisible entity?

GotB: I don't doubt your existence.

AD: That's because I possess objective reality. You don't. Your attributes seem to be more imaginary than real. Humans really were not made in your image.

GotB: Don't make me come down there.

AD: Is that a threat? You like to make empty threats don't you? And some of your followers say you are a loving god.

GotB: I love you and you and you and you and...

AD: You have a strange way of showing it. It seems to me the love is demanded, not given. But enough of these signs. I have to concentrate on my driving.

GotB: Need directions?

AD: No thank you. I know where I'm going.

GotB: Follow me.

AD: As I said, I know where I'm going. And following the invisible won't get me there.

GotB: My way is the highway.

AD: Right; you've certainly marked it as yours with all these billboards you've excreted along the wayside.

GotB: Will the road you're on get you to my place?

AD: I hope not. I'm not planning on an accident. Though, with this g@%d#@*# traffic...

GotB: Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer.

AD: So you've fallen back into threat mode! If you really can influence rush hour, consider making it shorter. Then there will be a lot less swearing. Anyway, there are evils in the world that you should be more concerned with than the occasional curse.

GotB: What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you understand?

AD: Oh I understand those three words alright. They say a lot about the personality your believers have given you. It is the words that follow them that I question. For example: "Thou shalt not kill." How many people did you order the Israelites to kill in the Old Testament? And those orders were given after you had given out the commandment. It really amounts to "Thou shalt not kill unless ordered by a voice in your head claiming to be god."

GotB: Have you read my #1 best seller? There will be a test.

AD: I've probably read more of it than most of your followers. As to the test, will the science questions be real? Or the ridiculous Genesis version?

GotB: Big bang theory, you've got to be kidding.

AD: No. The real question is why so many of your followers think the scientific theories of creation necessarily exclude god. Why can't they understand that while the creation story in Exodus is a myth, it may possibly express an even more profound religious truth. Considering god working through science would be a much more intelligent religious view than the Genesis tall tale blindly accepted by the idiots who erected that sign in your name.

GotB: That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing... I meant it.

AD: Are you taking offence because I referred to certain of your followers as idiots? As long as they try to stuff their foolish religious views down my throat, they will never be loved by me. Not even liked! But other than applying that rule to them, I'll admit it is pretty good guidance. Too bad you didn't think of it first. But of course, your preachers claim in their sermons that you did.

GotB: Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game.

AD: Before the game? Does this mean you've softened the fourth commandment? So you really are into sports? And which team is it that you really listen to the prayers of?

GotB: C'mon over and bring the kids.

AD: Catholic priests? Jehovah's Witness Elders? Do you really think I'd let the kids anywhere near a church?

GotB: Tell the kids I love them.

AD: Yeah - right! It's bad enough we have to protect them from your clergy...

GotB: Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage.

AD: I don't think so. We don't accept that whole "wife as property" concept.

GotB: You think it's hot here?

AD: You really have to get those idiots who put up these billboards to change them with the seasons. It exposes the ineptness of it all when this particular sign is covered with snow.