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Meditation 310
I Heard it on the Radio - Lyrical Misunderstandings

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I went out to do some grocery shopping this morning. On the car radio, a gospel song was playing, just background music to which I was not paying attention. The song ended, the announcer came on saying:

"That was Can't nobody do me like Jesus by Ollabelle from their new album...

Well, I didn't hear any more, I was laughing so hard.

I'm sure the songwriter did not intend the word do to mean it as I understood it, on the other hand, it is not clear what it was intended to mean in this context.

On reflecting, I considered all the religious television and radio stations which seem exist solely to continually air preachers requesting money in Jesus's name, the money to go for more airing of the requests for money in Jesus's name.

And suddenly the title seems so right. Indeed, when it comes to screwing suckers out of their money, nobody can do you like Jesus.

Then I remembered another song I had heard on the radio many years ago when I was still a teenager. It was called "That Old Master Painter," and was a song of praise to the creator of all the wonderful scenery around us. However, it is difficult at times to distinguish between the sound of "p" and the sound of "b," particularly when sung. And sometimes in pronouncing "nt," either the sound of the "t" or the sound of the "n" disappears.

So, in the several times the "Old Master Painter" was mentioned in the song, I heard something quite different. I suspect others did too, for when the song ended the announcer seemed to make a special effort to pronounce the song title, stressing the "P" and the "n". And I never heard it played on the radio again.

But there are several creation myths in which the spilling of a god's seed does either create the world, or serves to create the first humans. In that context, That Old Masturbator may indeed be a suitable song. Instead of a song of praise to a Christian God, it becomes an ode to a pagan one.