Meditation 766
The secret plan to avert the coming Dec 21, 2012 crisis
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As just about everyone knows, the world is going to come to an end on Friday, 21 December in 2012[1] - and the government is covering up.
However, I have a source within the National Security Agency, and that person sent me a copy of the complete file. I would like post every document here for others to read, but if I did so, I'd be breaching the Patriot Act and would probably be on the next plane to Guantanamo in shackles and a blindfold. But as long as I don't quote directly, I think I can summarize the current plan and its origins.
On taking office, one of the first acts of the Obama administration was to secretly ditch the infamous Cheney Plan[2]. He then directed the NSA to come up with a new plan to deal with Dec 21, 2012 because it was now "time to save the Earth."
A lowly staffer within the NSA on reviewing the memo saw that the answer was within the President's own words - just a matter of going on Earth Saving Time, a supercharged version of Daylight Saving Time. As the prediction of the end of the world is calendar-based, the solution is to advance the clocks sufficiently to ensure that there will be no December 21 in 2012.
At 11:59.59 pm on December 20, 2012 in every time zone worldwide, all clocks will be advanced 24 hours and 2 seconds to 12:00:01 December 22. We will remain on Earth Saving Time for a full year. Then, at one second after midnight on the following December 22, clocks will fall back 24 hours and 2 seconds. Effectively, there will be two December 21sts in 2013.
The plan is to be kept secret until various computer operating systems can be modified to allow for Earth Savings Time coming into effect. Obviously the only remaining concern is whether Microsoft can ever meet a software release deadline.
So, next time someone tries to alert you to the world's coming end on Dec 21, 2012, you can confidently reply: "Don't worry, we are going on Earth Saving Time."
Notes:
- There are a few skeptics about the seriousness of this crisis. For example see: 2012: Tsunami of Stupidity: Why the latest apocalyptic cult is a silly scam by Ron Rosenbaum in Slate, May 22, 2009
- The Cheney Plan, of course, envisioned that by fostering steadily increasing global conflict the problem would have been resolved by ending the world well before Dec 21, 2012.