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A Miscellany 283
Celebrate Apathetic Agnosticism on 1 April

by: Alan Parfitt

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I respectfully suggest that April 1st is as good a day as any to celebrate our principles. I know of no reason to prefer the date above any other, and indeed, I don't care whether such a reason exists. That in itself is, surely, as good a reason as any for honouring a day as good as any.

Appreciating the value of mythology in any faith, or lack thereof, I would nevertheless like to point out that the first day of April is (according to European conventions) generally designated as 1.4, and as such represents the first two terms in the sequence of integer squares, i.e. 1, 4, 9, 16, 25, 36... - a sequence similar to the Fibonacci numbers in its mystical importance.

Lo: starting at the end of the sample sequence above, which is as good a place as any, 2536 is clearly the year of the Agnostic Acopalyse in which this website according to recent calculations will finally perish - although the eternal thinking behind it will of course continue to prosper. Retreating towards the present, 1625 was the year in which the slide rule was invented, rebellious Austrian farmers were hanged and a tax-crazed British monarch was democratically curbed in his pecuniary ambitions: surely all events worth remembering at least as much as the resurrection of a faith-healer or the war achievements of a tribal leader. Continuing in this vein, 916 denotes not only the Sacramento area code -Sacramento in this case surely being the most inapt/inept biblical reference ever - but also the two finest modes of transport ever envisaged by man: the Alfa Romeo and Ducati 916's, designed to move unbelievers towards enlightenment in both comfort and rapture. Finally, 49 denotes the name of the only football team universally known (i.e. outside the US), despite their obvious deficiencies.

Clearly this would point towards divine intervention -if such a thing existed. Here, awaiting support, I rest my case, secure in the knowledge that any agnostic worth his salt should be able to find equally plausible references for other terms in the sequence such as 3649, 4964, 6481 and 8100, et cetera, for ever and ever.